why?

why must it come at me now
with its dark draining uselessness
why must it pull me down
into its weed-choked watery depths

the mirror reflects my sad eyes back at me
my sad ungrateful eyes that should be smiling
how can they be so fickle and foolish
when you are there reflected beside them

I’m afraid to let you look at me and see into my soul
where brightness and light should be there is gloom
anxiety and insecurity have stolen centre stage
and pushed contentment and joy out into the wings

I am tired, old, ugly, fat, moody
I am useless, no good at anything
I am pointless, hopeless, get everything wrong
I am hard on myself, but it all seems quite true

and yet

you love this face, you love this body, you love me
so why can’t I love myself?

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9 thoughts on “why?

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