see me

I am not like them
the ladies
in the latest fashion
all fake tan
and heels
makeup
and straighteners

I could not pull it off

but am I less
because of
my failure
to be part
of their world?

would they look at me
differently
if I had their
stylish gloss?

I stare at my reflection
and it’s all me
nothing between us
curves and plain skin
a few extra pounds
my forty years
of living here exposed
and I wonder
if it’s good enough
to make me
worthy

of respect
attention
affection
emotion
devotion

this is it
it’s all
that I have
will you see
my truth?

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Other

I wish to be other …
other than myself
to embrace otherness

I see those others
striding through life
extrovert, popular

why is their confidence
so other to mine
theirs strong and solid
mine fragile and delicate

how does it feel to wake
in the morning and know
what they know
these others
knowing
they’re attractive
their opinions are valid
they are lovable
fun, interesting
worth something
anything

how does it feel
to just live and not think
to make stupid choices
and not care
and not ponder, relive
go over and over
analysing actions long gone

do they worry
these others
about things that might happen
about things that could be
do they feel sick with panic
with ridiculous fears

but if I was an other
then who would I be
and would you love an other
or is it just me
that you love
despite
me