shut my mouth

twisted and torn
from trying to be brave
grin and bear it
don’t be a misery
others have it worse
but it hurts
the simple truth is this
it hurts
and I don’t know
where to go with this pain
how to expunge it
I spill emotions into words
let go the angst
feel free
but this
this endless aching
twinging fire
remains despite a novel
placed upon a page
and I’m still here
still torn
wanting to scream
complain and moan
but trying
trying oh so hard
to
shut
my
mouth

letting go

seems I fail
at letting go
of past hurts
speak of leaving them behind
yet hold them to me tight
picking at the scabs
making them bleed

putting the past
behind me
forgiving
and
forgetting …
so much easier
if the past doesn’t
creep up
and grab me
by the ankle
pulling me back in

it’s just this small thing
just this tiny thing
but magnified
’til those past hurts
are right now
sore and stinging
with unfairness
and confusion

I have to learn
this letting go
remember
what I have
here in my hand
this golden
precious
love-filled future
where pasts are merely
stories
of a different time
and
now
is all
that matters

haunting

if I could
I’d haunt you
like something out of
A Christmas Carol
I’d show you what you’ve done
the damage you’ve caused
and I’d make sure you felt
every single moment
of the pain and hurt
that you delivered
to those you were meant
to protect
I’d make you feel it all
till you begged me for mercy
and I wouldn’t stop
not until you were right here
on the edge with us
and then I’d take him home
and leave you there
alone
knowing what you’ve done
always knowing
and I hope
you suffer