self-perception

this mirror-me
stares back impassively
skin more lined now
perhaps a hint of grey
amid the blonde
tired but happy
her strength shows
in a defiant smile
a lop-sided grin
not allowing
fears and worries
to swallow her up
and pull her down
scars still there
from hurts and mistakes
but now older, wiser
forgiven and accepted
a believer in herself
she holds my gaze
dares me
to change my
perception
of myself

Pretence

For too long
I have pretended
To be something I’m not

Ever since
I was a small child
I felt I had to be perfect

I am not

I am far from it
But this is not about
Putting myself down
This is about being myself

I’m done with pretending

So yeah,

I tried to be a good girl
But I didn’t feel good on the inside

I tried to be as clever as my sister
But it just wasn’t in me to be that smart

I tried to please you both
But I let you down and disappointed

I tried to believe in your god
But I’m sorry I do not have that faith

I tried to be a good wife
But our marriage wasn’t working

I tried to put up with things
But my heart was broken and dying

I tried to fix it all
But some things cannot be fixed

I tried to act all normal
But the darkness takes me sometimes

I tried to be sweet & demure
But the truth is I swear like a sailor

I tried to have a perfect house
But I’m messy and a hoarder

I tried to conform and hide
My poetic side away
But here I am writing my truths
Saying what I want to say

I am me

And what I am is good
Not perfect
But
Good

No more pretence
No more guilt and striving

This is me

Special
Loved
Worthy

Me