thought leak

what is the point
of this day-after-daily-grind
work pain sleep (badly) pain work
this question swims
round my mind
and this pain
is woven through everything
and the guilt with the pain
that I moan so
when it could be worse
and it’s not so bad I catch my breath
but the pain and not-enough-sleep
and hormones
and work-stress
colours all my thoughts
and easily I slide
from pain to guilt
to snowball rolling fast
I am not good enough
not positive enough
not nice enough
not … enough
and down we go
and tears
and tears
and you standing
no words
just a hand brushing tears
and tears
and I think
if I could just sleep for a day
or if I could just get that X-ray
or if I could just take your pain away
it would all be alright
but I can’t
and the thoughts tumble
round and round
and I sit in silence
without a single word to say
that won’t unleash a storm


My Mind

my mind
  is a

full of
      against eachother

bumping around
  like bumper cars
    moving in
unexpected              directions

first I think of you
  then I think of him
    then I think of things
      like cups of tea and
        perhaps I should
          empty the bin