birthday thoughts

unspecial

the day arrives
and I feel
numb
it’s just a day
no fanfare
no miraculous changes
no nothing
and I don’t feel special
at all

selfish wishes

on my birthday
I’m like a child
wanting this to be
my day
wanting to be the centre
of attention
wanting others
to make me feel
special
but this is
just selfish wishes
all tangled up
in hormones
and only I
have the power
to let myself
feel special
on the inside

not thinking

if I don’t actually
think
about my birthday
it’s fine
things are good
it’s only when
thinking
and
expecting
that I feel a lack
of that indefinable
birthday
something

balance

as day goes on
I recover my balance
remembering
that to some
I am special
all of the time
not just this one day
and tonight I have time
with my love
just us two
and that is a wonder
to me

If I could paint

I wish I could paint
with actual paint
not just with words
I would paint my love
the way it glows
and shimmers
and spins
I would paint the colours
blues tinged with gold
streaks of red and purple
I would paint the shapes
of curves and arches
of finger trails
and tippy-toes
the shapes of hands held tight
and souls entwined
and ripples spreading
from the core
reaching to the edges
spilling out into the world
and all who looked at my painting
would feel it, and know it, and wonder at it
this love
this
incredible
love